That's Just Wrong
by Zink1388
Summary: You know how when you're in Middle School, you try to be the most popular kid there? But it never works out? Zim tries that, but for a different reason. How far will he go to make a friend that will help him destroy Dib?
1. A Dog And A Stupid Alien

_You know how when you're in middle school you try to be the most popular kid there? But it never works out? Zim tries that. How far will he go to make a friend that will help him destroy Dib?_

"Please"

"NO!"

"Please?"

"NO!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"For the last time, NO, Gir! This device is not a toy! It's a mind controller! I will aim it at Dib, and it should hypnotize him into working for the Irken empire! You already are, sort of, so It would be stupid of me to waste it on you. Not to mention I can only shoot it once." Gir smiled stupidly, not understanding a word his master said. Zim sighed, "Let's just go"

Dib walked down towards the park, only this time, he didn't have his sister by his side, he had a large, grey, dog. He remembered why he was stuck in this situation.

_"I almost caught Zim today Gaz!" Dib exclaimed excitedly._

_"Cool, now go away before you regret being born into this world."_

_Dib blinked, and stared at his sister for a moment before continuing on with his not-so-interesting story. "If only I had-" Gaz cut him off by grabbing him by the ear, and pulling him towards the couch. She roughly threw him there. Dib sat up wondering what he said. "You need to get a friend that will actually like listening to your insane stories."_

After that incident, his father bought him a dog.

He sat down under the shade of a tree along the sidewalk. The dog followed and did the same. It wasn't until then he noticed Zim walking across the street with a strange looking device. Dib gasped, "I HAVE TO STOP HIM!" He yelled, earning an odd look from everyone in the now dead silent park. He awkwardly walked away smiling nervously.

"Do you see him?" Zim asked Gir. "See who? Ooh! Are we playing I spy?" Gir excitedly gave away their cover. Although hiding in a bush is obvious enough to begin with, Gir certainly wasn't helping. "No, Gir! Shhh!" Zim looked around for Dib one last time only top find him directly in front of Gir. "Dib! I-" Zim paused, "What's with the dog?" Dib smacked himself in the head. "None of your- who cares!" Zim stared at him for a moment. "I care, stupid human, what if it hurts me?" Zim asked, pointing accusingly at the dog that had now fallen asleep on Dib's foot. That gave Dib an Idea. "Fido, **(A/N: Such a creative name!)** sic 'em boy!" The dog got up and growled at Zim. The Irken stared at it before screaming and running. The dog eventually caught him, and chewed on the hypnotizing ray like a toy. "That's ok, I have a million of those at home." Zim said, trying to act as though he didn't miss 2 nights of sleep over the device. But Gir ruined all chanced of that. "But master, you said that it was your only one and it took forever to make! And that-" Zim slapped a hand over the loud mouth robot, faking a smile. "Haha, good one Gir!" He runs off back to his base, dragging a confused green dog behind him. Dib smiled, "The Earth is safe! Thanks to me!" The dog walked over to him, and place what was once a dangerous weapon by his feet. It looked like a bicycle run over by a car, covered in dog slobber. "Well that's just nasty." Dib said, kicking it away. "Well at lest you helped me out with Zim." Dib said, attempting to look on the bright side. The dog jumped up and licked the boy in the face. He shoved his pet off of him before heading home. "As long as you don't do that again, we'll get along fine."

Zim was down in his lab still thinking about the fight. "I hate that stupid human! And you!" Zim screamed, pointing at Gir who looked up from playing with a rubber pig. "were no help at all!" Gir smiled. "YAY!" Zim sighed. There was no getting through with that robot. "I hate to admit it, but I may need some help getting rid of Dib. "Computer, how do I get help on this planet?" Gir spoke up. "You make a friend!" Zim seemed to agree with that. "Computer, how do Earth children make friends?" The Computer thought about the question before responding, "Humans that have common interests will often hang out with each other." Zim gave the Computer a "get real" look. "Where am I going to find a kid interested in world domination? Computer, how else does one make friends?" The Computer sighed again, and responded, "Typically if one must, they will tell the others they have done something the other is interested in." Zim nodded. "Continue." "For example, if someone was interested in horses, you could tell them you have a horse of your own, and are a champion equestrian." Zim grinned before replying. "Computer, what are children ages 11-12 most interested in?" "…Depends on what gender" The machine said carefully. "I don't care! Female!" The computer sighed in relief. "Mostly fashion, pop singers, and guys."

_Oh boy, I don't want to even imagine what will happen in the next chapter! Reviews would be awesome on my first story, just sayin' ;)_


	2. Fashion Freak!

_{NOTE}_

_Sorry it took so long to update, my aunt is in the hospital with cancer, I just traveled in a car for 18 hours to get to Ohio, and my crazy thoroughbred bucked me off into a fence. So not only have I been worried sick about my aunt, but now my leg is killing me from being thrown into that stupid metal gate. I do love writing, and I really am sorry I didn't update this last Sunday like I said I would._

Gaz slammed her locker shut, "Dib, you need to be quiet or _else_." Oh, Dib went silent alright, but not because of his creepy sister; Zim was in a dress. "What the- ZIM?" Zim walked up to Dib, smiling that creepy smile of his. "Yes?" His voice was more high-pitched than normal, and he was wearing bring red lipstick. Dib was now even more disturbed. "Is this some sort of alien culture thingy? Because if it is, I really don't want to know why." Zim scoffed at the thought of elite soldiers dressing as women being considered a tradition linked back to Irk. "Of course not, _human_! And even if it was, like I would explain _anything _to _you_!" Dib rolled his eyes at his enemy. "Whatever Zim, just don't do anything evil, because I can't fight a girl." With that being said, he smirked and ran off to class, an annoyed Zim following him seconds later.

"Let me guess, last week it was ninja hamsters?" Miss. Bitters asked sarcastically. "What's your excuse today, Dib?" Said student, sighed, before replying, "First off it wasn't ninja hamsters that was the week before that, I was just freaked out by him." He said, pointing to Zim. Everyone gasped, before laughing at the alien. A few kids even fell out of their chairs from laughing so much. "It's not _that funny_." The Irken muttered under his breath.

Zim walked down the sidewalk on his way home from skool before he heard Dib call out "Hey Space boy, wait up!" He growled and tried to ignore the boy, but Dib ran in front of the alien, forcing him to stop and pay attention to him. He sighed in defeat, "What?" Zim asked, clearly annoyed. "Why _did_ you dress like a girl today at skool?" Zim jumped back and yelled defensively "Like I would tell you about my evil plan!" Then quickly ran towards his house. Dib stood there dumbfounded as to how pretending to be a girl could in any way possibly help him take over the world. Meanwhile, Zim was arguing with his computer. "What _else _do kids like?" The Computer tried to keep itself from laughing at the sight of his master in a bright pink and blue dress. "Computer, I said." The computer cut him off. "I know, it's just, maybe you could take off your disguise, I mean, you are home." Zim took off the ridiculous costume and the computer was able to take his master seriously once again. Well, as serious as anyone could take him. "I told you; Pop singers and guys." Zim sighed. "Very well, I will learn to sing." The computer groaned. "Oh please, spare me, just skip to the last one." Zim glared at the floor, thinking. He said "Fine" Before simply walking out of his lab into the house. The computer laughed to itself. "Oh this is going to be good."

_O_o Yeah… lol_


	3. Keef?

_Special thanks to anyone that's still reading this! ZADR fans walk away now because I can assure you you're not going to like this story. _

Dib looked around the classroom cautiously. Zim still wasn't here, and with the whole "girl" thing yesterday, Dib couldn't even begin to imagine what he would do today once he got here. "And just like you," Miss. Bitters pointed to Mary, "He had no idea an evil squirrel would eat him on his 13th Birthday." Dib sighed. _"This is so boring!"_ he thought to himself. Then after a moment, _"Why is it always squirrels?"_ He mentally asked himself. He was pulled from his thoughts as he saw Zim walk in the room. "Hey, what's up?" He asked causally, but in a slightly odd tone that made Dib nervous. **(A/N: I hope you know what I mean.)**  
Keef was the only one to go within a 10ft perimeter of Zim. "Hey buddy!" He practically yelled in excitement. Zim forced himself to smile back at the pervert that had once drawn him naked. "Hey! Uhh, Keef, is it? Yeah, I have to go, somewhere…." He looked around awkwardly while Keef's smile never dimed as he asked, "Where? Oh! Are you going to the circus? I love the Circus! One time my Dad gave me tickets and I saw a zebra- tickets! Do you still have the tickets I gave you last time you spoke to me? Remember, you said "Get away from me stupid human!" And I gave you tickets to the circus! But I think you threw them away… Oh well! Can we go to the circus Zim?" This was said all in under a second, so it took the alien a moment to understand what the boy had asked. "No, now go away." Keef happily skipped away. "See ya later buddy!" Zim shook his head before turning around to walk away.  
He walked up to a group of guys, and attempted to talk to them. It would have worked if he hadn't been talking like- never mind.

By the end of the day Zim had learned a million new words. All insults and all directed at him. But just before skool let out, he told Torque he liked his shirt, which resulted in him being smacked across the face. Dib had been stalking Zim all day as usual and still didn't know what his plan was. _"All he's doing is disturbing people and becoming even more of a freak than he already is." _Dib thought to himself on the way home that night. "Well that seems harmless enough." He thought aloud.

"COMPUTER!" Zim yelled at the hysterical machine. "Y-yeah?" The computer could barely talk, it was too busy laughing. "What do _boys_ ages 11-12 like?" The computer calmed down enough to answer the question. "Girls, sports, and metal music, I think." Zim smiled. "Good now I don't have to act like a girl." That made the computer start laughing again. Zim sighed and glared at the ceiling.  
Meanwhile Dib was fighting with his dog. It had Gaz's game slave. "Come on, give it back!" The Dog merely growled in response. "Dib, if you don't get my game slave back from that filthy mutt I'll make sure your life is turned into a living nightmare!" Dib shuddered at the thought. His sister was not kidding when she threatened him. The dog bit down harder, cracking the screen. Dib knew he was in trouble now.

_Don't beat him up too badly Gaz; I still need him for the rest of the story. lol, forgive me if my outlook on boys is a little off, I am a girl, so I don't know what guys listen to or what they're interested in.  
Hopefully you can all imagine how Zim is taking and acting in this chapter. If not, just ask and I'll tell you. This was written at 4:00 this morning, so it was rushed, and may not be as good as you all may have hoped. :\ It'll get better; I just need to write the next chapter during a normal time period. _


	4. Skillet!

_I hate writing about characters getting hurt (mostly because I'm so bad at it) so let's just say Dib didn't have a good night yesterday. And Gaz made him buy her a new Game slave. :)_

Zim walked in the classroom the next day dressed in his invader uniform. Dib sighed in relief; maybe he'll be his usual self today. Zim then took out an iPod, and listened to music the whole class period. Dib was now jealous; he'd wanted an iPod for a year now! But his dad always said "Not now son, I am very busy." And now his worst enemy gets one. He tried to ignore the Irken, but it was nearly impossible. Finally, the bell rang, and Zim put his iPod in his pocket.  
Dib forced himself to try and forget the iPod, and focus on what Zim's next evil plan was. So far all he did was show off the device, and let other kids listen to what music he had on it. That wasn't helping. Suddenly, a girl with short brown hair ran over to Dib. "Hey Dib, come over here and check out Zim's iPod! It's so cool! He's even letting the rejects look at it!" Dib couldn't say no to a girl, so he followed her over to where Zim was. He was on the other side of the cafeteria. "Here stupid human, listen to this!" Zim said, before shoving the iPod at Dib. The human glared at the alien before putting on the headphones, and listening to the music.  
_  
__**"Join us in the army that's arising  
The truth invades your mind  
Every day the kingdom is advancing  
The Earth invasion has just begun  
without sound  
Without fear  
It attacks the heart and soul  
To rule all life  
And display His government  
Changing history  
When the colliding comes  
Where will you run?  
Come with us if you want to live"**_

How ironic. Dib gave Zim the iPod back and walked away. Zim smiled to himself. Not only had he made Dib jealous, but he made him go away! He turned to look at the other kids; they were all staring at his iPod hoping to listen to it. He unplugged the headphones and set it on speaker so everyone could hear. That seemed to make the whole cafeteria happy, except for Dib.

_**"The Earth's frustration  
To be whole again  
We'll see a nation  
Living without sin  
The Earth invasion  
One man  
One mission  
One plot to save the world"**_

Dib _loved _this song, but he _hated _the fact Zim was able to buy it and listen to it whenever he wanted. Not only that, but now Zim seemed to be, dare I say it, _popular_! Dib thought over what he knew so far, and then it hit him. Zim was_ trying_ to be popular! Dib still didn't know why, but it couldn't be just for fun!  
After skool he had that song stuck in his head. But he was still able to focus on stopping whatever evil plan Zim had in mind.

_Yes, I finally got to the climax of the story! Now let's see if anyone knows this song and likes it like I do. :3_


	5. Victory For Earth!

_I'm so happy to hear I'm not the only one that liked "Earth Invasion" By Skillet. :) Anyway, LAST CHAPTER!  
_

"That answer is incorrect, sorry, you'll be forever sent to the underground classroom." Miss. Bitters said with little to no sympathy to Willy. The floor underneath his desk disappeared and he fell into forever darkness. No one really seemed to care at this point what their creepy teacher did; after all, it was the last week of skool! Dib was still thinking about the iPod epidemic when Zim walked in, followed by a few girls mindlessly complimenting him while staring him as though he were a supermodel. "You're so hot!" and "What other sports to you play?" Zim stood up so the whole class could see him. Though he wasn't dressed differently, he had a different haircut; blond hair like Dib's, only without his pointy hair thing. **(A/N: Well that's how Zim described it, so that's how I'll describe it. ;D ) **Dib didn't like the fact he was less popular than an alien, but he decided to not degrade himself to focusing on that. Instead, he would focus on ruining Zim's reputation.  
During recess Dib saw the same two girls that had followed Zim into the classroom glaring at him. One of them smiled evilly and whispered to him "You're next." Both girls laughed maniacally before running back over to where Zim was and staring at him dreamily. Dib wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he just ran over to Zim. The Irken was standing a few feet away from the swing set. Much to Dib's surprise, he looked annoyed. "Go away you stupid human, I told you to help me destroy Dib! AND FOR THE LOVE OF IRK STOP STARING AT ME!" Dib smirked. _"Zim just gave away his evil plan!" _ His smile dimmed as he remembered what his plan was. As he got closer to the Irken, Zim noticed Dib was there and told the girls to sic' em. Dib tried not to laugh. "Zim, come on, that only works with dogs." Zim kept trying, but the girls only stared at him with a confused look. They soon decided Zim was insane, hot, but insane. Zim sighed. "Well, I guess I won't need this anymore." He took his iPod out of his pocket, and threw it over the fence. Dib immediately jumped the fence and caught it just before it hit the ground. He grinned, and continued listening to Skillet and his other favorite bands. Dib then noticed all the other kids staring at him. Dib unplugged the headphones and let everyone listen to music that recess. Zim simply glared at Dib, before trying to shout over the music a threat.

_**Let's get the story straight  
You are a**_ STUPID HUMAN!  
_**You tried to make me think  
That the blame was all on **_YOU!

That was all Dib heard before he turned up the volume, thinking to himself _"Victory for Earth!"_

Wow, sorry that was short. I'll post my other one-shot story later. Hope you liked it! :) 


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